THE DO’S & DON’TS OF DIVORCE

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KIDS

1. Don’t poison your child’s mind against the other parent by discussing his or her shortcomings. Continuing anger or bitterness toward your former partner can injury your children far more the dissolution itself. The feelings you show are more important than the words you use. NEVER engage in conflict with your spouse or former spouse in front of your children. Open conflict between the two of you (justified or not) hurts your kids.

2. Assure your kids that they are not to blame for the breakup, and that they are not being rejected or abandoned. Children, especially the young ones, may feel that some action or secret wish of theirs has caused the trouble between their parents.

3. Don’t force or encourage your kids to take sides. To do so often hurts the child by creating frustration, guilt and resentment.

4. Tell your children what is going on in terms they can understand. Marriage breakdown is always hard on children. They may not always show their distress or realize at first what divorce will mean to them. So tell them in a direct, honest and comprehensible way. This may vary with the circumstances, age and comprehension of each child.

5. Don’t let any guilt that you might have interfere with the disciplining of your children. The guilt parents may feel about the marriage breakdown can sometimes interfere in their disciplining the children. A child needs consistent control and direction. Over-permissive or indecisive parents who leave children to themselves can interfere with a child’s healthy development. Children need and want to know what is expected of them. Children feel more secure when limits are set. They are confused when grown-ups seem to permit behavior which they themselves know to be wrong and are trying to outgrow.

6. Encourage the children to spend time with the other parent. Your spouse divorced you, not the kids. The children should be allowed to display photos of both parents.

7. Don’t ever withhold custody or visitation, even if child support has been cut off. Time with the children by the non-residential parent is for the benefit and better development of the children. No matter what the difference of feeling or opinion between the parents, custody and visitation should not be interfered with.

8. Be on time with the kids and return the kids on time. Each parent needs to make plans so be on time, or call if you’re late. It’s unfair to your children to keep them waiting, or worse, disappoint them by not showing at all.

9. Never refuse an opportunity to see or spend time with your children. You demonstrate your commitment to your children by being available to them, even if you are inconvenienced. Take the time and make the effort to show your children that they are a high priority in your life.

10. Don’t question your kids regarding the other spouse. Make your time with the children as pleasant as possible by not questioning them about your ex-spouse, and also don’t make extravagant promises to them that you can’t keep.

11. Don’t miss important dates with your kids--Christmas, birthdays, graduations, etc. If you can’t be there, be sure to call or write.

12. Work out conflicting plans regarding the kids. If your former spouse has plans for the kids that conflict with yours, be adults and work out the problem together. Consider the childrens’ wishes, but do not ask them to take sides.

13. Try not to flaunt any new boyfriend or girlfriend around the kids. And generally refrain from all immoral conduct between you and your new boy/girlfriend in front of your children. This means new girl/boyfriends sleeping over probably isn’t a good idea.

14. Don’t use the kids’ exchange as a means to continue arguments. You are role models for your children so try to conduct yourselves accordingly.

15. Don’t be drunk, etc. around your kids. Also, don’t visit them at unreasonable hours.

16. Don’t ever talk about child support around the kids.

17. Pay child support as ordered. You won’t be credited with presents, gifts, clothes, vacations, cars, etc., as part of child support. But the withholding of residential time or visitation is not grounds for withholding child support. This is because the state, through the courts, views itself as the ultimate parent of children, so that parents can’t shortchange kids, or settle away their children’s rights in any way, because the state is sort of the back-up, or default, parent who must insure that a minor’s interests are always served.

18. In general, try to think of your kids’ well-being before acting. This will be hard, because of your own feelings, needs, and emotions, but try, try, try.

Money, mind and soul.

A. Don’t change or cancel insurance, transfer funds, hide funds, dissipate assets, or run up credit cards or other bills.

B. Don’t destroy or hide documents. Don’t take them either; making copies is better.

C. Don’t lavish money and gifts on any new girl/boyfriend.

Generally, try to be as saintlike as you can. But remember, you are only human and you won’t be able to be the 100% perfect person. No one ever can--in good or bad times. When you fail or fall down, accept it and resolve not to do it again and hopefully you can improve day by day. But remember, not being a saint during the divorce process will probably cost you in the eyes of the Judge. And it will also cost you more in the wallet by necessitating more attorney and court time.

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DOCS NEEDED TO FINALIZE DISSOLUTION

     1. Petition for Disso, including:

          a. $250 filing fee ($220 in Snohomish County)

          b. Cover Sheet

          c. King County Case Assignment Sheet--KNT or SEA

          d. DSHS/Vital Stats card

          e.  CIF (Confidential Info Form)

     2.  Confirmation or Waiver/Acceptance of Service or Joinder

Must wait 90 DAYS after later of Petition Filing or Confirmation/Waiver of Service

     3. Financial Declaration

          a. Last 2 yrs personal, p-ship & corporate tax forms

          b. Last 6 months pay stubs

       3A. Statement of Assets & Liabilities (B-ham only)

       3B. Declaration of Delivery of Financial Docs (B-ham only)

     4. Disso Decree—(at least 1 party--w/ party # 2 signature--& ct appearance req’d—

except Whatcom County, can do with just paper)

          a. Bring original to final hearing; don’t file original

          b. property division

          c. spousal support

     5. Findings of Facts and Conclusions of Law

          a. Bring original to final hearing; don’t file original

     6. Atty’s Cert. of Compliance (w/ LR 94.04) (Only in King Cnty)

         (7 - 10 only if kids)

     7. Parenting Plan

       7A. Residential Time Summary Report

     8. Child Support Order & Worksheets--every pg signed

     9. Parenting Seminar completion sheet (both parents). Cl calls Family Ct to sign up

    10. Criminal Background Checks on both parents

     11. Request for Entry of Decree (so neither party need appear if agreed docs—available in Whatcom County)

     12. Confirmation of Issues (only if don’t finalize w/in 6 months—in King County)

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SUPERIOR COURT OF WASHINGTON

COUNTY OF

(COMPLETE A SEPARATE FORM FOR EACH CHILD IF NECESSARY)

This declaration is made by the [ ] father [ ] mother.

1. ____________________________ [name of child(ren)] has/have resided with the following person(s) during the past 12 months:

Length of Time Child Resided With This Person

Name                       Address

2. (a) The mother’s performance of parenting functions relating to the daily needs of the child(ren) during the past 12

months:

(b) The mother’s work schedule for the past 12 months:

(c) The mother’s current work schedule:

3. (a) The father’s performance of parenting functions relating to the daily needs of the child(ren) during the past 12

months:

(b) The father’s work schedule for the past 12 months:

(c) The father’s current work schedule:

4. (a) The child-care schedule for the past 12 months:

(b) The current child-care schedule:

5. Any circumstances under RCW 26.09.191 that are likely to pose a serious risk to the child(ren) and that warrant

limitation on the award to a parent of temporary residence or time with the child(ren) pending entry of a permanent

parenting plan are set forth in Part II of my proposed temporary parenting plan.

6. OTHER:

     I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the state of Washington that the above is true and correct.

Signed at ______________________________ [Place] on ________________________ [Date].

Signature

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FINANCIAL DECLARATION

Name: Date of Birth:

Social Security Number:

I. SUMMARY OF BASIC INFORMATION

Declarant’s Total Monthly Net Income (from § 3.3 below) $ ($ yearly)

Declarant’s Total Monthly Household Expenses (from § 5.9 below) $

Declarant’s Total Monthly Debt Expenses (from § 5.11 below) $

Declarant’s Total Monthly Expenses (from § 5.12 below) $

Estimate of the other party’s gross monthly income (from § 3.1f below) [ ] $

[ ] unknown

II. PERSONAL INFORMATION

2.1 Occupation:

2.2 The highest year of education completed:

2.3 Are you presently employed? [ ] Yes [ ] No

a. If yes: (1) Where do you work (name and address)?

(2) When did you start work there (month/year)?

b. If no: (1) When did you last work (month/year)?

(2) What were your gross monthly earnings? $

(3) Why are you presently unemployed?

III. INCOME INFORMATION

If child support is at issue, complete the Washington State Child Support Worksheets, skip Paragraphs 3.1 and 3.2. If maintenance, fees, costs or debts are at issue and child support is NOT an issue this entire section should be completed. (Estimate of other party’s income information is optional.)

3.1 GROSS MONTHLY INCOME.

If you are paid on a weekly basis, multiply your weekly gross pay by 4.3 to determine your monthly wages and salaries. If you are paid every two weeks, multiply your gross pay by 2.15. If you are paid twice monthly, multiply your gross pay by 2. If you are paid once a month, list that amount below.

                                                                                                            Petitioner                                Respondent

a. Wages and Salaries $ $

b. Interest and Dividend Income $ $

c. Business Income $ $

d. Spousal Maintenance From Other Relationships $ $

e. Other Income $ $

f. Total Gross Monthly Income (add lines 3.1a through 3.1e) $ $

g. Actual Gross Income (Year-to-date) $ as of $

3.2 MONTHLY DEDUCTIONS FROM GROSS INCOME.

a. Income Taxes $ $

b. FICA/Self-employment Taxes $ $

c. State Industrial Insurance Deductions $ $

d. MANDATORY Union/Professional Dues $ $

e. Pension Plan Payments $ $

f. Spousal Maintenance Paid $ $

g. Normal Business Expenses $ $

h. Total Deductions from Gross Income $ $

(add lines 3.2a through 3.2g)

3.3 MONTHLY NET INCOME. (Line 3.1f minus line 3.2h or $ $

line 3 from the Child Support Worksheets.)

3.4 MISCELLANEOUS INCOME.

a. Child support received from other relationships $ $

b. Other miscellaneous income (list source and amounts)

__________________________________________ $ $

__________________________________________ $ $

__________________________________________ $ $

__________________________________________ $ $

c. Total Miscellaneous Income (add lines 3.4a through 3.4b) $ $

3.5 Income of Other Adults in Household $ $

3.6 If the income of either party is disputed, state monthly income you believe is correct & explain below:

IV. AVAILABLE ASSETS

4.1 Cash on hand $

4.2 On deposit in banks $

4.3 Stocks and bonds, cash value of life insurance $

4.4 Other liquid assets: $

V. MONTHLY EXPENSE INFORMATION

Monthly expenses for myself and 0 dependents are: (Expenses should be calculated for the future, after separation, based on the anticipated residential schedule for the children.)

5.1 HOUSING.

Rent, 1st mortgage or contract payments $

Installment payments for other mortgages or encumbrances $

Taxes & insurance (if not in monthly payment) $

Total Housing $

5.2 UTILITIES.

Heat (gas & oil) $

Electricity $

Water, sewer, garbage $

Telephone $

Cable $

Other: Health Club $

Total Utilities $

5.3 FOOD AND SUPPLIES.

Food for 1 person $

Supplies (paper, tobacco, pets) $

Meals eaten out $

Other $

Total Food Supplies $

5.4 CHILDREN.

Day Care/Babysitting $

Clothing $

Tuition (if any) $

Other child related expenses $

Total Expenses Children $

5.5 TRANSPORTATION.

Vehicle payments or leases $

Vehicle insurance & license $

Vehicle gas, oil, ordinary maintenance $

Parking $

Other transportation expenses: bus pass $

Total Transportation $

5.6 HEALTH CARE. (Omit if fully covered)

Insurance $

Uninsured dental, orthodontic, medical, eye care expenses $

Other uninsured health expenses $

Total Health Care $

5.7 PERSONAL EXPENSES (Not including children).

Clothing $

Hair care/personal care expenses $

Clubs and recreation $

Education $

Books, newspapers, magazines, photos $

Gifts $

Other $

Total Personal Expenses $

5.8 MISCELLANEOUS EXPENSES.

Life insurance (if not deducted from income) $

Other _____________________________________________ $

Other _____________________________________________ $

Total Miscellaneous Expenses $

5.9 TOTAL HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES (The total of Paragraphs 5.1 through 5.8) $

5.10 INSTALLMENT DEBTS INCLUDED IN PARAGRAPHS 5.1 THROUGH 5.8.

Description Month of

Creditor of Debt Balance Last Payment

5.11 OTHER DEBTS AND MONTHLY EXPENSES NOT INCLUDED IN PARAGRAPHS 5.1 THROUGH 5.8.

Description of Creditor           Month of Last Payment                 Amount of Monthy Payment           Balance Remaining

Total Monthly Payments for Other Debts and Monthly Expenses $

5.12 TOTAL EXPENSES (Add Paragraphs 5.9 and 5.11) $

VI. ATTORNEY FEES

6.1 Amount paid for attorney fees and costs to date: $

6.2 The source of this money was:

6.3 Fees and costs incurred to date: $

6.4 Arrangements for attorney fees and costs are:

6.5 Other:

     I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the state of Washington that the above is true and correct.

Signed at                           WA on _________________________.

Signature of Party

THE OTHER PARTY MUST BE SERVED COPIES OF YOUR TAX RETURNS FROM THE LAST 2 YEARS AND COPIES OF YOUR PAYSTUBS FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS TO VERIFY YOUR INCOME. YOU SHOULD ALSO BRING COPIES OF YOUR TAX RETURNS FROM THE LAST 2 YEARS AND COPIES OF YOUR PAYSTUBS FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS TO YOUR COURT HEARINGS.

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STATEMENT OF ASSETS & LIABILITIES

Petitioner:                                          Respondent:                                      Case #:

Date of separation from Spouse:                        Date Petition for Dissolution filed:

1. I am the [ ] Petitioner [ ] Respondent in this action.

2. To my knowledge, as of the date of separation, the following community and separate assets and liabilities existed. (Note: Generally “Community assets” means those assets that were acquired during marriage, except by inheritance or gift. “Community liabilities” means all debts incurred during the marriage, regardless of whose name the debt is in. “Separate assets” means those assets owned before marriage, or acquired after separation, or acquired during the marriage by inheritance or gift. “Separate liabilities” means those debts incurred before the marriage or after separation.

                                                                                              COMMUNITY ASSETS             SEPARATE ASSETS

Real Property:

1. 1.

2. 2.

Vehicles (autos, trailers, boats, etc.):

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

4. 4.

Bank Accounts:

Bank Name/Branch Acct No.

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

4. 4.

Pensions/Retirement Accounts:

1. 1.

2. 2.

Business Interests:

1. 1.

2. 2.

Stocks/Bonds/Investments:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

Life Insurance:

1. 1.

2. 2.

Household Goods/furnishings

Appliances valued over $250:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

4. 4.

5. 5.

6. 6.

Sporting Goods/Tools & Equipment valued over $250:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

4. 4.

Jewelry/Artwork valued over $250:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

4. 4.

Electronics and Accessories valued over $250:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

4. 4.

Other:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

COMMUNITY LIABILTIES

Mortgage:                                                Balance at Separation                     Current Balance

1. $ $

2. $ $

Loans (vehicles/student/personal):

1. $ $

2. $ $

3. $ $

4. $ $

Credit Cards:

1. $ $

2. $ $

3. $ $

4. $ $

5. $ $

6. $ $

Other (overdue utility/phone bills, IRS, hospital/doctor bills, collection):

1. $ $

2. $ $

3. $ $

4. $ $

5. $ $

6. $ $

Business Debts:

1. $ $

2. $ $

3. $ $

4. $ $

SEPARATE LIABILITIES

Describe type:

1. $ $

2. $ $

3. $ $

4. $ $

5. $ $

Since the time of separation, there has been the following substantial change in t he assets listed above: (NOTE: Describe how, when and why any of the above assets were sold, traded, consumed or otherwise disposed.)

I anticipate receiving the following in the future:

1. Inheritance [ ] Yes [ ] No

2. Settlement proceeds from a lawsuit [ ] Yes [ ] No

3. Settlement proceeds from a work-related injury [ ] Yes [ ] No

4. Money owed to me by another [ ] Yes [ ] No

I declare under penalty of perjury of the laws of the State of Washington that the above is true & correct to the best of my knowledge.

DATED:

Signature of Declarant

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CHECKLIST   OF   ASSETS,   LIABILITIES   &   SUPPORTING   DOCUMENTS

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1. Federal Income Tax Returns: get all returns, W-2 forms and 1099’s for the last 2 years, including partnerships corporate tax returns.

2. Pay Stubs: get them for each spouse for the past 6 months, showing deductions from gross pay.

3. Any Financial or Net Worth Statements: obtain any from the past 2 years that were used in obtaining a loan, home refinance or line of credit.

4. Retirement Plan (profit sharing, pension, Keogh, 401(k) or other form of plan): get the summary of plan, statement of current interest in the plan and its current value.

5. IRA’s (Individual Retirement Accounts): list account number, financial institution, names of beneficiaries and a current statement of the account balance.

6. Business Interests (corporate or partnership): get the Shareholders Agreement or Partnership Agreement, tax returns for 2 years, balance sheets for 2 years and profit and loss statements. Include information on any patents, copyrights, trademarks/tradenames or royalties that you may have an interest in, including any potential patents or copyrights that are an idea not yet reduced to patentable/copyrightable form.

7. Land/Home/Condo/Real Estate: Get a copy of the Deed of Trust if possible, the address and legal description, last tax statement, most recent appraisal, name of insurance carrier, policy number and insured value, along with a list of mortgages (financial institution, balance and monthly payment). Also include any time-share vacation or rental or other use rights.

8. Will or Trust Interests: get a copy of the trust instrument or will (if possible), or describe the expectancy.

9. Stocks, Bonds, CD’s, Treasury Bills, Mutual Funds etc.: obtain a list of all securities owned, date acquired, purchase price and current value, including unexercised stoke or commodities options. Information may be available from your broker.

10. Life Insurance: list the name of the company, policy number, insured’s name, policy owner’s name, beneficiaries, face amount of coverage, annual premium, current cash surrender value, if any, and terms and conditions of coverage. Get a copy of the “face sheet” of all life policies.

11. Bank Accounts--Checking & Savings, Credit Union Accounts, & Negotiable Instruments: get the name of the financial institution, account number and a current statement; also bring in your current check register.

12. Cars, Boats, Vehicles, RV’s etc.: Get copies of title certificates and registrations, as well as current balances on outstanding debt.

13. Furniture, Tools, Electronic Equipment, Computers, Office Equipment/Supplies, Inventory, Clothes, Guns, Animals/Pets, Books, Wood, Food, Frequent Flyer Pass or other Commercial Coupon, or other household good or personal effect: get schedules of all items specifically insured, get a preliminary inventory and copies of any appraisals or a personal estimate of value (be realistic in valuing second hand goods because sentimental value is often not appreciated by the market).

14. Jewelry, Antiques, Art, Wine, Valuable Metals, Gold, Silver, Coins, Stamps, China, Silverware, Guns, or Collectibles: get records of purchase price, date of purchase or gift receipt, appraisals, and homeowner’s insurance schedules.

15. Safe Deposit Box: get location address, phone number and list of contents.

16.  Credit Cards: Get copies of all credit card statements for 1 - 2 years.

17. Claims: list any potential lawsuits you might have such as personal injury actions, disability or workman’s comp claims, unemployment claims, AFDC or other government benefit claim, severance pay owed, SSI claim, liens, pending income tax refunds, Social Security claim or when a claim/entitlement might begin for your, expected or promised bonuses, back child or spousal support owed, or other unsecured or secured judgment debtors who owe you money.

18. Miscellaneous Assets: list any including your right to a discounted price on something or an option to buy or lease something, a special service or labor skill(s) you might possess, rich friends or relatives you might have, transferable club memberships, tickets, etc., your ability to get a loan, any special assets or rights of any of your children that are currently under 18.

19. Health Insurance: Get the carrier’s name, address, phone number, policy or group number, subscriber name and number, and obtain from the carrier a statement of post-divorce coverage options.

20. Debts: Compile a list of all current obligations and monthly payments, secured or unsecured, and the reason the debt was incurred, plus make a list of any potential lawsuits or claims against you.